So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
