Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
