Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
