community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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