just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize