I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
