I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
