We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
COCAINE IS GR8
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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