I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
