I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
