if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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