idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
