Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
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1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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