My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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