How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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