I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
