i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
