remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
