last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
