I think my fart just growled at me.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
