sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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