You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
