one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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