I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
