Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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