No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We are all done wearing pants today
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize