he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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