Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
