Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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