I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
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if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
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Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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