Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
