I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
