"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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