my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
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a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
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I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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