And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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