remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
