I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
