apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
