She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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