Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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