you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
