fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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