omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
