You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
