i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
