I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
