what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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