She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
