No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
