don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
