and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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