im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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