I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
