she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
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The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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