afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
