you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
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I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
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I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize