he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
