This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Congratulations! We have a period
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