a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
