i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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