11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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