honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
