Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
