Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
