Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
