either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I wanna passion pit in your ass
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
